Hi Guys,
I've been
without a computer for the last week or so, since the machine decided it no
longer wanted to start. But it kept telling me it wanted to – if only I'd
select the right operating system from the list provided so it could
automatically repair whatever was wrong with it. Unfortunately the list it
presented me with was blank – something that made me think the fault might be
somewhat terminal! Thankfully, as you can tell, it wasn't and here I am a week
later, still kicking and screaming.
However, the
computer's breakdown gave me a little time to think about things. For a start
it gave me a chance to be grateful that the breakdown occurred a week after I
published A Bitter Brew and not a week before! It also gave me a chance to get
back to the basics of writing. At which point I discovered that my fingers have
forgotten how to hold a pen!
I know. It
sounds ridiculous. But it's actually true. I've been typing for so long that
the actual physical act of writing with pen and paper is alien to my hand. And
the script that flows from it is less than pretty. Not that it was pretty
before, but things have definitely gone downhill! For those of you who think
I'm kidding but equally don't write with pen and paper, all I can suggest is
that you try it for yourself. It is actually quite shocking as you sit there
with cramped fingers trying to remember which way the pen goes to link to the
next letter!
That in turn set
me to thinking about some of the other odd effects writing – either with pens
and paper or computer – have had on my world. The downsides. And here I'm not
talking about the traditional downsides of being an author – poverty, an ever
decreasing circle of friends, a never ending need to shout from the rooftops
that no one is listening to you, followed by alcoholism, death and a pauper's
grave! No here I'm thinking of the ones that no one normally talks about.
One of them is
what people think is shyness and embarrassment. The absolute aversion I've
developed to telling people in the off-line world that I'm a writer. But it's
not because I'm ashamed of what I do, or because I'm shy. It's because it
inevitably leads to two questions, neither of which I know how to answer, nor
want to try.
The first is –“where
do you get your ideas from?” I hate this question, because I have
absolutely no idea. They just come. I write and they flow. More than that I
can't tell you. And if you ask me this question face to face I'm just going to
have to think of some clever answer, because let's face it – “I don't know”
sounds terrible!
The other
question of course is that perennial favourite – “have you written anything
I know?” I hate this question because the answer is mostly – no. Of course
I haven't. A lot of people read what I write and some of you say nice things
about it for which I'm eternally grateful. But that doesn't make me Stephen
King. On top of which I only write in a couple of genres and there are hundreds
of others that people read. So it's really quite unlikely that any particular
person would have read my books. But saying that just makes me feel like a
failure.
Another of the
unexpected consequences of spending so much time writing these past few years
is that I've become a grammar Nazi! I don't know when it happened exactly. And
I loathe being that person. But still it's there. And the inner grammar Nazi
reveals itself at the most unexpected times. For example there's a song on the
radio I listen to quite often. And every time I hear it a part of me cringes as
they sing part of a line “… gets me overwhelmed.” I usually end up
yelling at the car radio that it should be “… leaves me overwhelmed.” As
you can guess this particular song is not good for road safety in my case! And
I'm already in the process of writing up the legal argument for the day that
the inevitable happens! I'm not sure that anybody has ever before cited
dangerous song lyrics leading to a car crash as the grounds for a civil action!
In fact the pain
of hearing this line annoys me so greatly that many times I've considered
writing the boy band in question a letter demanding that they fix it. (Of
course they're quite safe at this stage since my fingers can't hold a pen and
my computer has only just come back to life! Also I understand that they've
broken up – in fear perhaps of my scathing note and legal action!)
Reading has also
become problematic over the years. I find it hard to slip into someone else's
prose these days – not because there's anything wrong with it, but because I've
become so used to my own style and in the back of my mind there's always this
little voice saying; “well I wouldn't have written it that way”. These days
whenever I do any critiquing for fellow authors I have to constantly check
myself as to whether I'm suggesting a change because it's good for the work or
because it fits my style.
Google has
become a nightmare. Yes it is my friend. But sometimes you can have too many
friends! The problem is that whenever I write something and I touch on a topic
I'm not familiar with, whether it's gun handling, the Ninth Legion or brewing
ale, I have to go and research it online to make sure I've got it right. And
the amount of research I can end up doing for a single scene or even a sentence
in a book, is mind blowing. It can take longer than writing the actual book!
And the amount of material I download is frightening. (Maybe that's what killed
my computer!)
And then there's
stress. Yes I know, who can lie around all day typing a few words, and
somehow discover stress?! It seems unlikely. But it's real. All day I'm
constantly wondering – will people like my latest book? Will they read it? What
about typos? What if I run out of ideas? (I don't know where they come from
after all so I can't tell how many might be left!) And will my cat finally claw
my face off in my sleep?! (Yes that one's my own personal demon, but still it's
not a nice way to finally close your eyes!)
Anyway, for
those of you wanting to embark on this journey of writing, I thought I'd share
some of the unexpected perils you may find along the way.
Cheers, and good
luck, Greg.
